A friend of mine told me that he didn’t like to post on Facebook because people would complain every time he took a vacation. Perhaps they were reminded of the trips they weren’t able to take. Another friend said he felt a bit of jealousy when I shared my recent radio interview with him. It reminded him that he’s not doing the work that he wants to do. It’s natural to have feelings of jealousy when we see other people doing things we wish we were doing. When we feel the sensation arise, we can acknowledge, dismiss it, and opt for admiration and gratitude instead. Admiration allows us to feel joy for someone who has something we want. Jealousy creates animosity. One opens us up to the possibilities of life. The other shuts us down emotionally.
I remember when I was deep into the single-mother shuffle and I didn’t have two nickels to rub together. I was always grateful for my child, but seeing my friends post trips to Peru and South Africa gave me a little twinge in my stomach. I quickly acknowledged it and moved on. I was happy to see everyone living their best life, even if it wasn’t my time yet. I was inspired by their posts and dreamed one day it would be me. I commented on the beauty of their pictures and reached out with questions about their experiences. I soaked up images and filed them in the back of my mind. I was learning. When my 50th birthday was on the horizon, I planned a trip to Europe. I had always wanted to go to Paris and Venice. Finally, Jupiter aligned with my coins and I was able to plan the trip. Truth be told, money was still tight, but I made it there and had an amazing time.
Since then, I watched the Netflix documentary, Time: The Kalief Browder Story. If you haven’t seen it, please, please watch it. There’s a point in the documentary when Kalief laments about the trauma he’d experienced being wrongly convicted of a petty crime and serving nearly two years in solitary confinement. He says he wishes he could go to Egypt, but he knows he never can. Kalief’s story is inspiring and absolutely heartbreaking at the same time. He used his life to create change, but ultimately he couldn’t recover from his trauma. If he had been able to heal there would have been plenty of opportunities to visit Egypt. I don’t think he was jealous of other people who traveled to Egypt, but he had resigned himself to the idea that he never would. It seems to me that jealousy has a similar hopelessness.
It’s sad when jealousy moves beyond a small twinge that we can ignore and fuels true Mary J. Blige certified hateration. Here are a few tips to go from hateration to inspiration. And don’t worry about a little pang of jealousy. It happens to the best of us.
- Jealousy, like anger, serves no purpose. As my mother used to say, “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.” In other words, believing in the uselessness of jealousy is the first step.
- Acknowledge the burn, but don’t let it turn into an ulcer. Maybe one day you’ll be so evolved you won’t feel anything when your co-worker pulls up in a Lamborghini or gets promoted to director of the Hawaii headquarters. That’s great. For now, just notice the twinge then ignore it like it’s a brussel sprouts casserole.
- Since we’re on to food metaphors, understand there is no pie. The Universe has unlimited resources and potential. Really. Wish others well and we can all win.
- Be patient and stay focused. Keep an attitude of love and gratitude, and do the work. You will get what’s meant only for you.
As we move into the final weeks of the holiday season, you will see people with bigger houses, flashier lights, fancier families and pricier gifts. Open your heart, be grateful for what you have, wish them well and learn from love and admiration.
I wish you Freedom, Alignment and Effortless Abundance!
P.S. The photo is from my trip to Venice in 2018. It had been over fifteen years since I had traveled internationally. This was my first trip to Europe. If you want to learn more life hacks for happiness, visit mindblowinghappiness.com and grab a copy of my inspirational journal, 12 Steps to Mind-Blowing Happiness: A Journal of Insights, Quotes & Questions to Juice Up Your Journey. And, if you want to work on building your personal vision for the future, join me on Saturday, January 9th @ 1pm for a FREE Vision Boarding Workshop. Sign up with this link. https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZ0oceuhrzItH9OlwQpc6gP5r-SP_SW0fcGH