The past couple of days have been chaotic, stressful, nerve-wracking and hopeful all at the same time. We are a country on the verge of collapse being nudged carefully toward brighter days. We’ve endured a very rude awakening to the power of false information spread rapidly by powerful global technology. There are so many emotional responses to manage. Many of us have clung to community, spirituality, libations or a puff on the cannabis peace pipe. Addiction relapses have increased dramatically with this backdrop of false information, deep civil unrest and a global pandemic which has become synonymous with 2020. The National Institute of Health calls COVID-19 and addiction “two pandemics.”


Yesterday, the day after the election, I got a long and nasty text from a family member. I had to read the text more than once. Who was she talking to? Then it occurred to me, if I didn’t have a good sense of self, if I wasn’t self-aware, if I didn’t know who I was, if I allowed others to define me, those words could cut deep. When we don’t know who we are, we give other people the power to tell us who we are. This made me think of the current narcissist in office. Spewing lies doesn’t make them true even if you have the biggest soapbox in the world. However, others may believe it. The good news for me is I’ve never been particularly interested in the opinions of others. My DNA is just structured that way. I’m busy figuring out how to live the best life that I can, and I want everyone else to join me on the journey. I will encourage you. I will share what I’ve learned with you. I will share myself with you. However, I cannot control what you think of me. That is something that happens inside of you, and it’s none of my business.


So, what can we do when people insult us? Or when they lie to others about us? Self-love is the ultimate armor. If you don’t have a strong sense of self, start working on it TODAY. Find a quiet space where you can relax, grab a notebook and try these journaling prompts:


  • List 100 things you love to do. (This was an assignment in my first year of college. If you get stuck, just keep going. You can love simple things like the smell of a rose or the sound of the ocean.)
  • Write a list of 50 things you love about yourself. (Again, push through. You can love physical characteristics, elements of your personality or anything else that pops into your head. This is your time to love on yourself.)
  • Name 10 causes that are important to you. (What gets you fired up? Saving the environment? Social justice? Animal liberation? List them all.)
  • What, if anything, are you willing to die for? (Go deep. This will open you up to your deepest passions. Even if your answer is “nothing,” you will still benefit from the mental exercise.)
  • Write a list of 10 qualities you’d like to develop or improve in yourself. (Now that you know what you’re working with, where would you like to go from here? Getting better will make you love yourself more, and that’s a gift that just keeps on giving.)
  • Now write a timeline for your personal self-improvement. (They say goals without deadlines are just dreams. Establish some steps and deadlines. Perhaps you’ll read a book by a particular date, sign up for a workshop or watch a self-help movie. 12 Steps to Mind-Blowing Happiness: A Journal of Insights, Quotes & Questions to Juice Up Your Journey is a great place to start. It will be available on Amazon next week.)


Developing self-awareness and deepening self-love provides armor against the attacks of anyone looking to hurt you, whether they are haters, dream-killers, or any other types of jealous or mean-spirited people. I hope you will take some time to strengthen your armor. Anyone who’s been in battle knows if you wait until you’re on the battlefield to put on your armor, it’s too late. Stay ready, cloaked in self-love, the greatest protection of all.


I wish you Freedom, Alignment and Effortless Abundance!


P.S. The photo is of one of my favorite Malcolm X quotes. If you’ve never read The Autobiography of Malcolm X, I encourage you to pick up a copy. It’s definitely on my list of all-time favorite books. And while you’re at it, grab a copy of my self-help memoir, Thinking Outside the Chrysalis: A Black Woman’s Guide to Spreading Her Wings available at and on Amazon. It’s an amazing resource for developing self-love. 12 Steps to Mind-Blowing Happiness launches on 11/11/2020. Click here to register for the virtual launch party:

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